that wouldn't be the worst thing, except for what happened next. being dumped is merely stage 1. of course, there's pain involved with this preliminary step. for me, the pain comes when i hear something akin to, "you're great. i really, really like you." yeah. you like me so much you're dumping me. thanks.
but i digress. stage 2 is what i like to call "the good luck chuck" step. because despite hearing "i just don't want a relationship right now" the next person who my dumper dates inevitably is someone he intends on being far more serious with. and that's what else happened this week. someone who dumped me last year is now sooooooooo fucking happy with someone else. so it's not so much "i just don't want a relationship," it's really, "i don't want a relationship with you."
blech. i hate being pissed off about this. i'm sure it only adds to my attractiveness factor. but it's 430 am, and i can't sleep, and i'm bitter and cynical, and i feel like i've been rejected all over again. this pisses me off.
i don't know what it is about me that makes me so hard to be around, at least for the long haul (meaning one month+). everyone tries to make me feel better by saying "it isn't you," but when "you" is the only common denominator, eventually you have to figure... it's fucking you. i'm like a force field for love... it comes close and then is bounced off at lightning speed. it's hard not to feel sorry for myself.
i want to take this entry and tie it up in a neat bow, come to some grand conclusion, or at least make a fucking point. but i don't know where this goes. i'm stuck on repeat. there is no point. the worst part is, someone else will eventually come along. and i'm going to convince myself this time it's gonna be different. and then, at 430 in the fucking morning, i'll probably lie awake stewing because it happened yet again...