people i don't trust.

last night i hung out with some of priscilla's friends, and i learned that none of them liked the decemberists. this is actually an understatement; one of them went so far as to say she "can't stand the decemberists." i was kind of taken aback. granted, these kids are younger than we are, and while i didn't ask, i assume they listen to craptastic bands like my chemical romance and fountains of wayne. the decemberists are a little more cerebral, experimental, and definitely not for everyone, but still, i found this discovery to be more than mildly disturbing. i realized that i immediately didn't trust anyone involved in this conversation, for the pure fact that they were trashing my favorite band. and it made me realize there are certain triggers that send up blazing red flags right away for me. triggers that immediately tell me, "i will never get past this hang-up, and therefore, our relationship will advance no further." i'm not sure this is entirely reasonable, but i can't deny it's true.

so, i don't trust people who don't at least appreciate the decemberists. ok, maybe they're not your bag, but admit that the instrumentation and the lyricism is something to behold. i mean, damn.

but there are others. i don't trust people who have no rhythm. being able to clap along to a song on counts 2 and/or 4, or 1 and/or 3, whichever is applicable [ even if you don't realize that's what you're doing ] seems to me a quality that is just plain HUMAN. if you don't have it, it's almost as if you're some kind of un-human, like a robot that wasn't programmed the right way. marc einhorn is the perfect example of this. not only could the boy not find the beat, he was in a time signature that has yet to be invented. it made absolutely no sense. and i distrusted him immediately.

i don't trust people who don't like dogs. furthermore, i don't trust people who dogs don't like. dogs know. they just know. they know you are not to be trusted.

i don't trust people who root against their home team. no one should. if you have a home team, and you purposely cheer on their rival, you and i will never fully understand one another. and i for one, will have no interest in understanding you. also, if you give me shit for liking a team that is not doing well, you have no understanding of what being a fan is. while i may or may not give you a chance at trust, odds are i count it as a strike. and usually one strike is all it takes.

i don't trust people who can't tell the difference between coke and pepsi. it's one thing to like pepsi, which all of you know i don't. at least you understand there is a fundamental [ and diametrically opposed ] difference. as stephen colbert would say, "pick a side, people, we're at war."

given this set of standards, i'm not sure how i function in general society. that's probably why i don't. but seriously, are these qualifiers completely unreasonable? am i the only one who thinks that they make utter and perfect sense?

perhaps i am doomed to a life of solitude, but i would rather live in my solitude than try to make sense of the above. these are things i will never understand. and i'd choose being alone than trying to solve these mysteries any day.